Sitting Myself

Talk about off days. You know when you just don't have your head in the game and just plain suck? Well that was me the other night: sucking.

Sure, I could justify it by citing at least a dozen excuses or blame some other clueless raider. Maybe that's the smart thing to do, the easy way out. But since I'm being honest, my game was so off, it was newb worthy. Standing in the circle? Running into the wall? Yeah that was all me. So why waste everyone's time and nurse hurt feelings when deep down I knew I should not be raiding?

Earlier in the night I whispered the GM and the raid leader to sit when I saw my game start to slip. It was one of those days where I was preoccupied and upset over some personal drama. Worse yet, I caused majority of the Elegon wipes by either not paying attention or trying to get off one more cast. I have seen scenarios like this with other people;  but rather than whine, complain or blame everyone else, I took responsibility. I apologized to the raid and left group.

Of course, I do realize this could also mean the loss of my raid spot. This is ultimately the reason people don't fess up to their mistakes. Am I worried or freaked out about it? Who wouldn't be?

The raid leader felt awful afterwards, but I told him that is what leading is about: making the tough calls. This is what we have to do to move forward. In my case, my constant mistakes and general messups meant my gaming sucked, and I knew it.

I was more upset with myself than with anyone or anything else and I left vent right after so I could lick my wounds in solitary dish washing. Yes, doing something mindless like dishes can be thetapeutic, especially when one flays the skin off of one's proverbial back. Yes, I'm very hard on myself. I think my insides are bruised from all my mental beatings.

Really though, the way I see it, there is no shame in sitting out. Well as long as you don't throw a tantrum over it or cause unnecessary drama... Because then it's just sad, pathetic, and embarrassing. Just bow out with your head held high and your pride in tact. Fix whatever is messed up in your head or life first then get back in the game once you are ready to raid again.

Now will I jump back on the proverbial raiding horse? That's a question I will answer at a later time.